Tomato Trilogy
by RickHammersteel
Summary: Sasuke loves tomatoes, maybe a little too much.
1. Tomato Mission

The Third Hokage let out an annoyed groan as he pinched his wrinkled nose. He began to mutter some expletives before glaring at the boy in front of his desk,"I expected this from Naruto, you know?"

"Hey!" The boy in question shouted from the side of the room.

Ignoring Naruto, Sarutobi tapped his fingers on the desk,"Not from you... Sasuke Uchiha."

Sasuke let out a grunt at that before rolling his eyes.

"You ate all of the farm's tomatoes, why!?" The Third was close to shouting at this point.

"They wouldn't let me have one." Sasuke said with a shrug.

"And that's supposed to be an excuse?" Hiruzen clenched his fist at that.

"Yes." Sasuke nodded, his mouth a thin line.

The Third turned to Sasuke's teammates, who were loitering on the wall,"And you three didn't stop him, because?"

Sakura held her arm,"Well, sir, you see, I was trying to stop him," She looked up at him, a tear coming to her eye,"Then he gave me this cute smirk, before taking off his shirt!" She looked away,"I melted."

Naruto held his hands out dramatically,"Okay, so there I was, ready to protect the tomatoes with my life, when all of a sudden," he made a motion with his hands,"Sasuke brought out a bowl, then some hot water, then some noodles, and then-, " He kicked the floor,"He gave me the third best ramen I ever had."

The Third turned to the future Sixth, the jonin instructor, the responsible adult,"Kakashi?"

Kakashi looked up from his book, his single eye shooting him an angered glare,"You remember a certain Wave mission? I. Still. Haven't. Been. Paid. "

"You're still upset about that?" Hiruzen raised an eyebrow.

"Yes." Kakashi went back to his Icha-Icha.

The Third Hokage growled in frustration,"You know, I do try to keep up a reputation around here. Konoha's supposed to be one of the most responsible villages in the world. We strive to complete our missions with the utmost efficiency!" He glared back at Sasuke, who found the ceiling more interesting than the village leader,"And then you come along and make me regret ever letting you become a ninja!"

He leaned back in his chair, letting a cruel smile come to his lips,"But I can't kick you four out. Despite this mishap, you four are among the best of our ninjas, so I will only give you slight punishments."

He looked at Naruto,"Naruto, you are banned from ramen for three days. And if you even think of nearing Ichiraku, an ANBU will direct you out!"

Naruto hunched over and whimper,"Not my ramen..."

He looked at Sakura,"Sakura, you are required to eat at least one green pepper for three days!"

Sakura gasped in fear,"No, not peppers!"

Hiruzen took a look at Kakashi.

Kakashi looked back at him,"Do your worst."

An ANBU appeared and pulled the book from Kakashi's hand,"No porn for three days." The Third grinned.

Kakashi's hand clipped the area where his Icha-Icha was,"It's erotica." He corrected, before glaring at the ANBU..." Hey, I think I went on a mission with you before..."

The ANBU then slapped him one,"Jerk!" She said before disappearing.

"And finally you." The Third looked at Sasuke, before pulling out some rice balls,"Have a rice ball."

Sasuke blinked, while Naruto made a protest,"Hey, that's not fair!"

Sasuke shrugged,"Seems fair to me." He looked at Naruto, before taking one of the rice balls and biting into one. Then he began to cough in disgust,"What!?" He looked at the filling on the inside, seeing a chocolatey substance.

"Chocolate-filled. Made them myself." Sarutobi grinned,"And you're to eat all of those rice balls, and for one week, I will have ninja bring them to you, and watch as you eat them!" He began to laugh maniacally,"Enjoy, Uchiha!"

Sasuke paled and winced before taking another bite.


	2. Tomato Team

"Sasuke, we need to talk."

Sasuke looked up from his brooding position to look at Suigetsu, a frown creasing his face,"About what?"

Suigetsu frowned and crossed his arms,"It's about your problem."

"Problem?"

Suigetsu narrowed his eyes,"Your addiction."

"Revenge isn't an addiction." Sasuke scoffed.

"Your other addiction." Suigetsu said, tapping his foot.

"I don't intentionally have Sakura-based dreams." Sasuke looked away.

"What the- no, your freaking tomato addiction!" Suigetsu shouted.

"Oh." Sasuke frowned,"What makes you think it's an addiction?"

Suigetsu rolled his eyes,"Oh, I don't know, how about whenever we go to a village, you harass any civilian with a freaking tomato basket? Or the fact that you go feral whenever you see a tomato plant? Or maybe the events of last night weren't a clue?"

"Last night?"

"We saw you trying to eat Karin's hair!" Suigetsu shook his head,"You traumatized the poor girl."

"Hn." Sasuke looked away,"Don't waste my time."

"You go crazy when tomatoes are involved and you're telling me to not waste your time!?" Suigetsu shouted.

Sasuke glared at him,"I do not go crazy for tomatoes."

At that moment, Karin walked by, carrying a basket of tomatoes,"Look what I-" She noticed Sasuke's hungry look,"Oh no, not again!" she screamed as he leaped at her.


	3. Tomato Thief

"The traps have been set up." Boruto said into his radio as he hid in some bushes,"Just let me know when to strike."

Sarada leaned into a tree on the far side of the farm, frowning,"He's late."

Mitsuki spat out some of the hay he was hiding in,"Then who is that?"

A shadowy figure began to step into the tomato orchard. He looked around, before looking at the ground. He threw a single kunai into the trap, causing the rope to spring out. He walked forward, producing a sword to slice a net open.

Boruto snarled,"Crap, this guy's good!" He leaped out of the bushes,"So much for stealth!" He put his hands together to produce a Rasengan.

The man appeared behind him and hit the back of his head, knocking him to the ground. He turned to the bale of hay where Mitsuki jumped out, ready to kick him. The man disappeared in an instant, before appearing above him and kicking him to the ground. He landed, where he felt Sarada's presence speeding towards him, Sharingan flared up. A single hand swiftly moved to her direction.

And tapped her on the forehead with two fingers.

Sarada's eyes widened in surprise as she stepped back from the tap. She looked up at Sasuke Uchiha,"D-Dad!?"

"Sasuke?" Konohamaru appeared in a flash, before looking at him,"Don't tell me you're the tomato theif!?"

Sasuke looked down at the tomatoes in question.

Konohamaru folded his arms and shook his head,"You realize this means we'll have to take you in, right?" Then he felt Sasuke's eyes upon him, causing him to back away,"I-If you want!"

"Dad?" A low quivering voice came from Sarada. Sasuke looked back at her, and noticed the look his daughter was giving him. A look only foretold in legends given by other Konoha parents.

* * *

A few months ago, Naruto took (read: dragged) Sasuke to an outing of Konoha dads. Somehow, Sasuke had also found himself dragged into a conversation with Choji.

"Has Sarada given you it, yet?" Choji asked.

Sasuke tapped the table with a frown,"What?"

"The look!" Choji leaned in, fear in his eyes.

Sasuke frowned,"My daughter has not nor will she ever unlock her Mangekyo."

Naruto leaned back from another table,"No, idiot, he's talking about." He gulped,"The Puppy Dog Look."

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"The Puppy Dog Look." Choji gulped,"The look kids give their parents when they really want something." He leaned in,"It's hard to describe, as it's different for each kid, but it's one of the most effective things a child could do to you! Chōchō has done it to me several times."

Sasuke shook his head,"Sarada is above that."

Naruto frowned,"I said the same about my kids, then Himawari pulled it on me!" He sighed,"And that's why the Forest of Death is now called the Forest of Happy Kittens and Rainbows."

"Well, I have no doubt Sarada will never, ever use it on me."

* * *

This is one of many things that will go on the Things Sasuke is Wrong About list.

Sarada's lower lip began to quiver, her eyes began to water, while her toe circled the dirt in the ground,"Daddy, if, if you don't come," She sniffed,"Then I'll fail the mission. You don't want me to fail the mission, do you?" She closed her eyes and began to choke back a sob.

Sasuke frowned. He was strong. He had made a silent vow never to fall under the thrall of an insane Uchiha ever again. He could beat anything not named Naruto. But could he beat this?

* * *

The answer was no.

Sasuke stood in the Hokage room with the new Team Seven. Behind him, Sarada had a wide, successful grin on her face.

Boruto smirked,"Told you it works every time." He whispered to her.

Naruto looked up from his laptop,"Oh, did you guys get-" He looked up at Sasuke,"No, let me guess, you're the Tomato Thief." He held back a snicker as the team gave affirmative nods.

Sasuke merely frowned,"Hn."

"And you're only here because Sarada did the look, aren't you!?" He smiled at Boruto and Sarada, who gave nods,"Well, guess you'll always be stuck under the thumb of Uchihas both young and old!" He laughed out loud. He began to continue laughing for a solid minute, leaving Sasuke feeling very annoyed.


End file.
